Eat Well. Pray Often. Love Better.

A 365 Day challenge for GirlwithKinks

I was feeling very alive when I woke up yesterday. Since last year, and maybe before then, I have been seeing and feeling signs of change. I have been unhappy with myself as a person for a while now; it’s like one day I woke up and let all the negative in life get to me. By allowing that to happen, I became difficult, my attitude anyway. No matter what the people I loved did for me, I never allowed myself to be happy, why was that? And people know when you are being “fake” with them, but it was like, I’m not trying to be fake on purpose, I couldn't help it, I couldn't let my guard down. So in taking time to reevaluate, I forced myself to have an intervention with myself, (crazy I know). Now, this was a gradual intervention, not really thought out in a day, and I did my best to focus on bettering MYSELF. I want to emphasize the word MYSELF, because too often when people are hurting, we try to blame others for that hurt without first looking at the source (yourself); I’m not saying there aren't people that intentionally try to hurt us, but I am saying if you are feeling unhappy in your daily life, look to yourself first.

I realized my optimistic personality started to change when I started seeing the negative side of EVERYTHING, I mean even petty things. My loving husband dealt with the brunt of my frustration with life, we had personal issues in the past we had overcome, but I tried to make him overcompensate for my pain, and that wasn't fair. I allowed myself to loathe people that I felt wronged me, it’s like I hated them so much I couldn't let go; seeing the name of the person(s) I disliked, made my skin crawl(yea it got that bad), and still (kinda) does. Anyways you get the point; a lot of hate clouded my vision and my heart. This all came at the most “inconvenient” time because I was a new mother. I was supposed to be all- “one with the wind” and everything was supposed to be magical and new, but it wasn't. I was angry, paranoid, my relationship was failing, and I gained over 100 pounds. 

Post baby and tired

Young and fresh

I'm still cute though. . .

This went on from 2011 to mid-2013; in that time period I was hospitalized (chronic anemia), started going to different churches, actively tried to seek friends, then isolated myself from pretty much everyone, watched A LOT of reality TV (real housewives, love and hip-hop anyone?), and stayed home almost every day. There was this void sucking the life out of me. This past year I got tired of feeling shitty about myself and decided to TRY. I never thought that just trying could be so hard, but I wanted better for my son, my husband,and most importantly myself. How could I love others if I didn't love me first? Trying consisted of being thoughtful of my husband’s needs, working out, kissing & hugging more, communicating effectively, cleaning & cooking more, taking my child outside to play, & not engaging in unnecessary conflicts. These may sound like small things, but they were big steps for me that I am still trying to master. By taking these actions positive results happened, so even though I didn't fully believe in what I was doing the positivity from my actions spilled into my thoughts. My relationship was thriving and then came wedding bells. . .

Courtney and I were married in September 2013 and that was the happiest day of my life . . . so far anyway. The day before our outdoor wedding, there was hurricane like winds and flooding; Courtney was supposed to sleep apart from me, but the thought of not having him next to me that night terrified me. I needed him, and that night I realized I always will. There is a comfort that comes with his presence that I've never felt with anyone else.

I've said all that to say, this shift in thinking has brought me to a “challenge” I have prepared for myself. I was feeling all “eat, pray, love” if you will, yesterday and that inspired me to get active in my blog and share this journey with you. I wrote the phrase Eat, Pray, Love and I felt it was too cliché of a motto so I added a few words to give it more meaning to the goal I am trying to achieve.

Eat Well. Pray Often. Love Better

The 365 day challenge I have set out for myself is to eat well, and when I say that I don’t mean a salad every day, I aim to cook something new, delicious, and nourishing at least 4 days out of the week and make dinner time an experience for my family and I. This will help improve my overall health and fitness.

I will pray and meditate every day for at least 30 minutes to develop spiritual closeness with God and my higher self. I feel this will help me better understand my life’s direction and improve my control of my emotions.

To love better to me, will be living to serve others; this can be applied in many ways. I also want to love myself better by working out EVERYDAY to become a healthier me.

This is not a weight loss journey; this is me trying to find myself, my faith, and be a better person to others, and I will be blogging to you every step of the way.

I will still post hair and make-up tutorials for you naturals out there. ;-)

I will leave you with the words that first came to mind when I this feeling fell upon my heart.


Journey; life change; improve; love; try harder; be myself; find my faith; closer to God; read; understand; grow; develop; conquer fear; be unashamed; do not judge; inspire; commit.

                                                 <3 GirlwithKinks